i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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