he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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