Please, let me fuck your mom
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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