My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
