i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
