The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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