time to smoke my breakfast
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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