hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
