Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
