they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
