we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
