Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
