She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize