if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
