so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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