i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
