im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
