All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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