Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
