I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
