I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
