I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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