have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We smell like vodka and hangover
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