just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
