I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
