pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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