My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
