Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my shit smells like andre
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
