I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
