I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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