I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
