u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize