and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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