4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
