My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
