Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
