pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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