u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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