remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
