i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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