ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
