i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
