New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
