She is in my trunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
