Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
