Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
