fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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