"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
