Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
