More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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