As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
