wanna go halves on a baby?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
