Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The adults are the big ones right?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
