I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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