i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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