i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My vagina is officially offended.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
