I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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