she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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