Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
